Back In Business & Weight Loss Woes

Well folks, thanks to the tax return fairy enabling me to purchase a new (to me) laptop, I can finally fulfill my blogging dreams. Next on the list is definitely a nice new camera (fingers crossed for a digital SLR), but until then the ole iPhone will have to do.
Anywho. At the risk of being one of those girls that is constantly complaining about her weight, Im choosing to address this issue because at the present time, its a pretty big concern of mine. For those of you that don't know, I gave birth to my second son, Sylas, almost 4 months ago, and have since then been battling that post baby bulge. And let me tell you, its proving to be WAY harder the second time around. After my first son was born, I was back in pretty good shape by the 6 month mark, even after gaining a whopping 70 pounds! This time I gained about 60 pounds, BUT when I got pregnant, I was at least 20-25 lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant with Cash. Which means I had even more work to do this time. So today, after a month and 10 days of drastically cutting down meal portions, drinking TONS more water, and working out a handful of times, I decided to weigh myself. In retrospect, perhaps I had unrealistic goals for this one month weight loss. They say the healthiest rate at which to lose weight is no more than 2-3 lbs per week, thus, making my realistic monthly weight loss goal 10-12lbs. My impatient self decided that I had to have lost AT LEAST 15lbs, but was shooting for 20. Pretty ambitious, but I figured that since I had so much to lose, that it would come off faster... Not the case. That evil little scale told me my REAL monthly (and 10 days to be exact) weight loss was.... 11lbs.
Im not going to lie, I was immediately devistated when the number came up. Before hand, to prepare myself, I even calculated my previous weight, minus fifteen, and told myself that as long as it was at least that amount, I was good. Nope. It wasnt. Tears filled my eyes, and I found myself weeping over this defeat. For hours actually. I even kinda let this news ruin my day. I know I shouldnt have. I know that to a lot of people, an eleven pound weight loss is awesome. But those people dont look in the mirror before they shower and see a stretched, scarred, and completely wrecked version of themselves. Well, maybe they do, but still. Im the biggest I ever have been, and its a massive blow to my self-esteem and overall selfworth.
That being said, I am working on this. Both on my weight, and on not letting this number completely ruin me. As SO many people have said, it took 9 months to put the weight on, so dont expect it to come off any sooner. I love my baby SO much and am so so thankful for both my kids' health and happiness, so for now I'm letting that be my consolation. I am so incredibly lucky that my babies and mister dont give a damn what that scale says, they love me just as I am. And thats what I'm working on for myself. I just want to feel good about myself and be able to hold my head high again, instead of this constant feeling of uncomfort and embarrassment. Im going to try harder this month to stay positive, work out A LOT more, and put an end to those midnight bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch! I can do this. I did it before, and I'll do it again. Summer, I will be ready for you.

xo, L

ps. Ive got a couple more posts in the works, including a step by step recipe for something muy delicioso, AND an incredibly late Valentines Day post. So stay tuned! :)